A New Beginning

It's a brand new day.  Just like every other day.  Only this one is exciting!

I am completely new to blogging.  Just decided two days ago to start doing this because the itch to write has been with me for years but just never had an outlet.  Blogging seems ideal.  The place I can write exactly what is on my mind, perhaps even at the moment it is there. Sounds perfect!

Especially with the idea that I can say what I want with no preconceived notions that I am going to be hurting anyone's feelings or tiptoeing around subjects for fear of making someone think I'm a lunatic.

How am I feeling today? Irritated and a bit irrational.  I am a stay at home mom of three kids.  Two boys and a girl.  They are healthy, seem happy and even appear to like me most days.  I consider that a good achievement on my part.  Most days I find it very difficult to draw the line between being their parent and having them "hate" me and being their friend who understands everything because I , believe it or not children, have BEEN there, DONE that, TRIED that or INVENTED that. One can only know how good of a job you've done when they are grown with the chance to totally screw up their own children.  By then, I may be afflicted with alzheimers and not really care either way.  We'll see.

The only moments that truly matter are happening right now.

I am lonely.  I am frustrated with the idea of never "finding" myself as a person, not just as a mother and wife, but someone with wants and needs of my own.  The idea of admitting that out loud to another person is frightening.  People judge.  My life is perfect, how could I ever be anything but happy?

Hopefully, writing will give me the ability to be completely honest with myself and some feedback on my rantings will bring about some positive change that is desperately needed. 

On a daily basis I feel the overwhelming need to point out to people how selfish and ignorant they are behaving.  My friends, my better half, even complete strangers who let go of the door in front of me two seconds before I have a chance to grab it and it closes in my face. Grrrr.  But, I don't.  I fume and keep it to myself.  Occasionally, I will speak up, but, unfortunately, it is after I have been fuming about many things and I blow up at some random person because they forgot to call when they said they would or the dog because, let's face it, she can just be stupid. 

Or, maybe, it will be pointed out to me that I really am just a raving lunatic and I should be on prozac. Either way, I'm hoping to have people come on here and gripe about whatever it is they feel like griping about.  A lazy husband, children who don't listen, friends who do things to piss you off and you keep it all to yourself.  Well.....no more! Rant away, get it all off your chest, there will be no judgement on this end and probably no chance they will ever see it, just like those letters you wrote with no intention of ever sending....


Cheers!   :)